


more, maybe less, if you need it

by waitshoot



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lowercase, mostly hyunjin's thoughts, overflowing with metaphors definitely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26881015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitshoot/pseuds/waitshoot
Summary: heejin and hyunjin are in a relationship, but maybe hyunjin's giving far too much, and heejin's not ready for it.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	more, maybe less, if you need it

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is really, really short but oh well.

  
it's not like it's been hanging on the tip of her tongue for a while now. 

it didn't just bloom out of nowhere either, spilling like raw ink down the recesses of her mind. 

in fact, hyunjin's almost certain it's not actually real. just a figment of her imagination, of a reality that isn't quite there, manifested by thoughts that grow in between growing lengths of silence whenever she asks heejin a question—the question. 

what the question is, she's not really sure either.

with the words that foam in her mouth, hyunjin's more numb than anything, to be honest. 

"hey, heejin," she would ask, her hands clamped on her thighs, grip tightening just a little. "i really like you."

heejin nods—hyunjin sees it in her peripheral vision even as her eyes remain on the dirt on her shoe, her focus wavering—and smiles. "you tell me that everyday." 

the unspoken words lie in the wake of heejin's touch as it leaves ice burning on hyunjin's skin. 

'i don't understand.'

or does she, hyunjin wonders, and it gets stuck in her head, dangling on the questions she never quite asks because she doesn't know what they mean, or how to get them out without spilling too much of her thoughts. 

too much of her thoughts and heejin would suffocate, on everything and nothing all at once. 

just like hyunjin. 

just like the way hyunjin gasps for air when she releases the breath she's held in her throat for moments upon moments, pulling herself back from heejin's warmth—scared. 

because what if she kisses her and tastes nothing but resignation, heejin giving in because she knows she has hyunjin's heart in her hands, and breaking away would tear it away for hers to keep and for hyunjin to lose completely. 

it's not fair. 

but hyunjin's not sure heejin can make it so it is. 

hyunjin knows she can't do it on her own, either. 

because it's on heejin. it's always been on heejin, anyway. 

it's always been heejin that sets the path, decides which road to take, and honestly, hyunjin thinks it's starting to exhaust the smile on heejin's face. wearing away the meager happiness they'd built on frozen grounds, the smile that never quite made hyunjin smile back, never quite warmed her heart but it's there. and it's cold. 

but it's there. 

as long as heejin's smile is there, hyunjin doesn't have to take hers off. 

but still, hyunjin sees it wavering. more and more, each day. like a fire lit on the last drop of butane. flickering, but it's there, and soon it won't be. 

maybe time is enough. 

maybe time is all it takes to build walls on the frozen ground they shared, taking advantage of the breaths between their lips, never quite blending, never quite the same in nature. 

because perhaps the words hyunjin breathed were of devotion.

and heejin's carried regret. 

"do you still love me?" slips from the edges of hyunjin's lips when heejin slips her hand out of hers, walking up to her doorstep, her figure lit alight by the remnants of the sunset. 

and for a moment, hyunjin wonders if the skies' pity lent her a chance to see something on heejin's face. 

something. anything. 

when heejin stops in her tracks, hyunjin has answers. 

when heejin's back is all hyunjin sees after seconds that felt more like years disguised in moments, hyunjin holds her breath. 

heejin never says anything. 

hyunjin wonders if she asked the right question. 

she wonders into the night, the shadows of her curtains cloaking the dull throbbing in her chest at first, then tightens around it hours later, in hyunjin's sleep. 

hyunjin wakes to dusk and a smile on her lips. 

the only smile heejin's ever managed to get out of her. 

the smile that hurts her eyes and threatens to rip her heart open for the world to see. 

because hyunjin's always been good at hiding. hyunjin's always been good at putting away the demons in her sleep that somehow made it out alive to haunt her in her reality. 

hyunjin wonders if she has to put heejin away, too, now. 

because thinking of heejin has always been painful, but it never quite hurt enough. 

never quite hurt... enough. 

"hyunjin?" 

"i love you."

"really?" 

the smile on heejin's face remains the same. 

"really."

and hyunjin feels the words eat away at the smile she wears on her lips. 

'i don't believe you.'

it tastes like ashes, burns in the back of her throat and fills her lungs. 

suffocating. 

vaguely, as she watches the certainty in heejin's eyes fade, hyunjin wonders if she's suffocating, too. 

"okay."


End file.
